i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
