Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
