i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
