are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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