honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
try to milk me bitch
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