mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
