nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
