Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
