You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
