K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
