I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
