we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
