apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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