Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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