i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
