I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
