Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
