you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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