she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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