i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
