batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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