I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
