he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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