Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
