This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
