we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
