I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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