Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
