If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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