dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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