It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
false alarm. still invincible.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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