based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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