how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
