is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
