Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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