Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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