Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
