He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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