Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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