thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
