and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
