So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
