sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
