no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
