So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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