apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This baby is an asshole
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
