Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
