doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
