I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
