So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
