i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
