I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
