If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
