My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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