do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
