it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
