Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
