After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
